The body I live in.
I don’t remember having body shame.
I guess this makes me lucky? I, honestly, don’t remember being made fun of for my body or shape or feeling shame or trying to cover up or even overexpose for that matter.
Until I had a kid.
I wake up every morning in a body I don’t recognize. It hurts my heart to say this. This means that deep down I did identify as something related to my body. And I thought I was above it.
I am not.
I have spent the past year being uncomfortable in my own skin. It permeates me in small ways. I don’t want to buy new clothes. I am afraid to walk into a clothing store and have to pick a number off the rack and see if my body fits that specific number. I do everything I can to avoid pictures. This means I have (maybe) 4 pictures of me and my kid. And in a totally embarrassing confession, I have avoided socializing with people who knew me “before” out of fear. Fear that they would think “Geez! What happened to Jenn?”
These fears are not things I am proud of.
Ok. So. How do we move forward? Because I know I am not the only Mama who has felt like she didn’t know the lady staring back at her in the mirror. And staying in this place causes too much pain.
Here is my plan.
1) I am going to be nicer to myself. Holy Shit, the things I say to myself in my head! Not cool! I would never speak to someone else the way I speak to myself.
2) I am going to choose getting a part of myself back over doing the easy thing and just staying at home with my boys. It is not easy to motivate myself sometimes. I would much rather snuggle in the bed. But I remember a part of myself, that is buried deep inside me, who loved going to workout and dance classes. I loved the community feeling. I loved being pushed by someone. I loved the music. And I loved the way I felt; like I had accomplished something.
3) I am no longer going to wait on the weight. If I want to feel beautiful and I know a dress would make me feel that way? I am going to buy myself a damn dress. If I know that sending a video out to my subscribers or creating a course that my Mamas desperately need to heal their bodies would be the best thing for my Mamas and my biz? I am not going to worry about what others think of me on camera.
That is my plan.
How are you going to start recognizing yourself again, Mama?
We can think outside the box on this one because it isn’t just about the shape of your body but about the other pieces you feel like you’ve lost along the way of being a Mama. Love to knit? Haven’t since your little one was born? Find the space to do that. Love playing organized sports? Find a league of Mamas who get together for the joy of it. Love listening to music? Open your local listings and see if you can take some time to see a new band.
What is your plan?
Baby Mama and Body Boss,